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bittergaymark No. He found her annoying but still slept with herI think this was pretty assholish behavior. I think this is a very fair and reasonable response, I wonder if she will think so too. This poor unborn child who I feel very, very sorry for already, is not the problem. Im so glad SOMEONE pointed that out. You have a lot of personal issues to deal with, little boy. Women can decide to abort the pregnancy or to give the child up for adoption, both of which are choices that remove any future obligation. Seriously, no wonder so many of are all too stupid to understand where babies come from. She never said an unkind word about him and made sure I knew that hed fulfilled his obligations by paying child support. This surprises you? and the man has the option to take extra precaution and choose to wear a condom. Has she tried to convince him to come back to her? slept with someone else. Doesnt matter if the owner of cocacola sat down with you and discussed the possible risk of opening a bottle and what you would both do if something went wrong. Im pretty surprised by some of the stances shes made on this thread and I do enjoy and almost always agree with her comments. Here are the 5 signs that he/she is in one: They started the relationship before they ended it (or as they were ending it) with you.. Seriously. Maybe she doesnt want the baby at all, but it seems the least unappealing choice to her in this scenario. Nobody wants to refute what John says in his first post. Well, the law is schizophrenic. Its not right Im sure I wouldnt.! He didnt marry you. I have a feeling you are going to stay with this guy no matter what (since you would just diiiie without him). That child has done nothing wrong and doesnt deserve to be thrown in the middle of these grown-up problems. Its a good word. End. April 10, 2012, 6:08 pm. And no it shouldnt be just the womans responsibility that the bf just met if she decides to not have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. My Boyfriend Got Another Woman Pregnant & It Changed My Views On Parenthood. This woman is having a baby, not a concept. REALLY?! She didnt rape him. At this point, she doesnt even know for certain that the woman is pregnant or that its his child. Close to $1,000 and thats for a shitty one. We decided to get back together as we cant bear life without each other. Terrance Dean. Wrap it up or dont serve burgers, thtas the only choice YOU have. I just think that if he is saying he doesnt want a child then hes probably not fit to be a parent and the parent who does want a child is more fit. Now its your turn to sit in her chair, Dr. Sherry,My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. Let me show you another scenario (that Im ad-libbing from GirlWritesWhat) following that logic: A woman is severely allergic to peanuts. While it would be ridiculous to only have sex if you intended to conceive a child, it should still be in the back of everyones mind that it *can* happen, and if so, the woman, whos burdened with the pregnancy, gets to make the final call. Babies come from the hospital. I wouldnt be single again for all the tea in china. April 9, 2012, 1:35 pm. April 9, 2012, 4:39 pm. April 10, 2012, 11:43 am. Essence may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. I think Dan Savage an Santorum have some sexual tension though. The thought of a child waiting for him at home makes going away so much easier. To be fair, the pregnant woman could be an idiot too but the only info we have about her is that she participated in sex with the LWs bf after knowing him a short time, says she was on birth control and is now pregnant and planning to raise the child. I didnt see that it made sense for him to send a check for MY child when he never had even met her. I just picture this LW with only tiny chunks of her brain left rattling around in her head as she sputters out this completely illogical rubbish (malarky). It is possible to get pregnant while on the pill, it happened to three women I know. And now I couldnt imagine life without my husband, but Im pretty sure Id live through it (and have) if he werent around. Steve- The law doesnt say theres no child at conception. Marriages (or partnerships) are not secondary to parent-children relationships; nor are they primary. This gets to the basic conflict. And I think the LW is just as much of an ass or whatever other word you want to insert as the bf in question. Dont like the consequences? Susie is pregnant with Jimmys child. Males who have been RAPED still have to pay child support. So society got together and decided that the biological parents owe a duty of monetary support to children the create. theQuietOne Because, you dont know the other person you dont if they remember to take their pill on time, if they forget pills for days at a time, if they are taking antibiotics, or if youre just one of the unlucky small small percentage that gets pregnant while taking the pill. Seriously this is skeeving me out. Just feeding on each other and leaving a trail of human wreckage in their wake. Only men-children would not use a condom in this situation. No matter what happens, if you open a bottle of coca-cola and it explodes, taking off your arm in the process, Coke pays you damages for it. She came first. He didnt expect that to happen. 8. This is about a pregnancy thats two weeks in. By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our And a grown adult man is well aware of this system when he chooses to have sex. meaning, i was on the pill, i brought condoms, i asked about testing. John Rohan Honestly, I see unfairness in the current system too, but I dont see how you could look out for the best interests of children while simultaneously making everything 100% fair for both mother and father. The research on on-again/off-again couplesthose that break up and get back together multiple timesindicates that some of the most common reasons for getting back together with an ex include . Have you ever been in a fling for a good amount of time -- maybe even half a year . Steve Kellmeyer Having unprotected sex is not a crime, but if you have sex without a condom with someone you dont know or trust entirely yet, you need to know that there is the possibility a child could be conceived, either by accident or deception. But still a good thing to have. Again, no. Well, custody deals with life choices (what school they go to, what religion theyre raised as, what kind of medical treatments they get, etc.). There was a single picture of my ex-boyfriend, his then-girlfriend, and their first child. Whatever happened to you to make you hate women doesnt have to mean a lifetime of whiny bitterness. Sounds like he found something easy, and easy cost a lot.money and happiness. Its just that all the other concepts that get us to the point of support arent gender blind yet. That reasoning, btw, comes from Karen DeCrow, feminist attorney and former president of NOW. The woman accepts the ejaculate what she does with it is now her business, and her business alone. The woman can choose to abort the baby, even in the event the father desperately wants it, and is willing to raise and support it himself. Regardless of the law which I think is enforced far more often than not it seems wrong to me to argue that men have no control over whether a child is born but are legally bound to pay child support, whereas women can end the pregnancy or put the child up for adoption. Briana DeJesus. What a door mat you are! And, you are not the choice. Offset Changes Instagram Avatar to Takeoff Photo After His Death. Its wrong and its not fair, and thats what should be changed, not the fact that a man who voluntarily engaged in activities that everyone knows could result in pregnancy can *gasp* be sued for child support for a kid he doesnt really want. Not only was she on the pill, but he wore a condom! Its frustrating, but until then, there simply isnt much she can do. My biological clock is so, so ticking!!!. Of. And because a mans physical committment to the pregnancy ends after coming, the woman gets to make the call. Its only when a baby is involved is when men come to their senses and then have so much things to say like I didnt mean to hurt you, I barely knew her, or the famous line I was drunk. For anyone. TheQuietOne February 6, 2017, 4:03 pm, Simalar to me.. we fell inlove from schol at 15 we kiss at 16 sex at 21 we separated for 5mths he saw another girl and she lie told him she was pregnant..she moved in his parents house..i said goodbye he came begging me ..he dont love her.tears tears .. the next month her period came her lie came in the openshe never left ..i have since moved on ..25yrs to dated he still beging me to come backi played a game with him recently ..i said i would leave my husband would u leave your wifeto be with mehe said yes yesdo u have money to buy a house for me like what u did for her.the silence was deafing.i hang up the phone.. playersmove on leave him alone, lets_be_honest Even if you wore a condom. He can change his mind at any time and will likely get visitation at minimum. Been there She left me for him and and now wants me back. If he doesnt do this, and the woman gets pregnant anyways, he needs to show maturity and be responsible for his decisions. Does this mean, then, that you advocate that every woman who ever gets pregnant must (a) have the child and (b) stay with the father, lest she be scum? I find it absurd that there is a debate about this guys right to have unprotected sex as if its ever a good idea. For the love of all things holy are you deliberately obtuse or truly lacking in basic comprehension? ! And then of course Ross WE WERE ON A BREAK meltdown. We have been broken up for a few months but have remained friends and in contact. That can either be a blessing or a curse, depending on your views of abortion, where you are in your life, who your partner is, etc. John Rohan Its been done and will continue to be done, as long as accidents, divorce, and death happen. Heh, are you suuuuure you still want to be a professional therapist? I wouldnt consider him a scumbag for asking her to consider abortion. Give him another chance. Let me repeat myself IT IS NOT A LOTTERY WIN. November 19, 2012, 3:02 pm. When its the woman who will suffer the consequences, its the woman who should be vigilant. Yes, the language in the letter is certainly. She trapped him? I can assume, at age 40, this man may not want to have children ever, but he knows how babies are made. April 10, 2012, 7:22 pm. Its not really his right to decide whether or not she keeps the baby. If I polled my high school, and under Forms of Contraception I included Pulling Out, Im estimating (based on the number of children at my last reunion) that would be about 70% of respondents methods. But were here to offer advice to LW, so I say evanscr05 is right: Dump this loser, yesterday. lets_be_honest This is my first time posting on here but I really need some advice. I dont see why the guy should get a free pass for having unprotected sex. Yes, it takes 2 to tango but she is the one carrying the child and an abortion isnt just an easy thing to do. Not long-winded just a breath of fresh air and reason after the insanity in that letter. But theres a huge amount of anger here over the fact that he didnt, even though theres no statement by the LW either way. Im a 29-year old mother of two children, and I was in a relationship for 4 years with a man (not the father of my kids), and he has a daughter from a previous relationship as well. landygirl April 9, 2012, 10:04 pm. In my opinion, a deadbeat leaves his child, abandons the mother, and offers no financial support. Thanks. Neither one of THEM created a child. He doesnt want to be with you. People surely arent calling him scum for not taking responsibility, because hes apparently going to provide support. I just feel sorry for the pregnant girl. Abortion is incompatible with compelled child support. Women have the discretion to assert paternity on a man, though he has limited rights to contest that paternity claim. So, he feels it is best to make things work with her for the sake of his baby. You know, I dont have much patience this morning,. Because believe mehes not into anything but what he wants and what he likes. Wanting nothing to do with his child, which like it or not seems to be coming, is not acceptable- and a mature girlfriend would help him to see that these are the cards hes been dealt, and that he now has to work with them. Oh, may be you should marry him and fantasize what kind of fun he is having whenever hes late coming home, or fearful he would leave you when you, like that woman, passed 40; or be told to get rid of your baby who is inconvenient to him. The misogyny is the implication that this somehow makes it easy for a woman. Hell of course express things in a way that maximizes the chance of him not doing any more to hurt the LW than necessary. Or is she trying to get him to live up to his responsibilities (which he brought on himself when he had unprotected sex and got someone pregnant)? Does he think hes too old to be a dad? Our resident male troll is back and defending his gender. lets_be_honest That being said, the LW didnt say whether he was tested so we dont know for sure. I just want her to know so that she won't expect anything like my boyfriend marrying him. 4. reader, lisa4mark+, writes (15 May 2008): A Sue Jones He cant force her to get an abortion, and she cant force him to be in the kids life. It doesnt matter how nicely you do it. April 9, 2012, 2:45 pm. If you and a person you want to sleep with are not on the same page on what should happen in case of accidental pregnancy, dont have sex with them. Lucky us. For me, the joy of the act is not actually giving it, but the enjoyment your partner gets. It can pick up cells from a previous ejaculation, but peeing flushes them off. April 10, 2012, 12:45 pm. feelingroovy Therefore, why are you depressed? If youre going to be all bent out of shape if the stranger youre sleeping with has your baby then Id ask for a hand job instead. SweetsAndBeats He was clearly having unprotected sex with at least one other person. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of stress and drama by doing things like not letting him see his kids. Its now you, the man, the other lady and a baby involved in this situation and as far as I can see thats too much people involved already. Your statement that she would not allow him to see his kids indicate that he has more than one child. As Ive gotten older shes told me more details about the situation (they were tenants in the same complex working towards professional education [law and med school] and both around age 30; I was a surprise and he was more dedicated to completing his education, while she wasnt upset that she would be a mother sooner. We learned that in middle school. Its painfully obvious. 1. Hi guyssssss,I wanted to share a storytime video with you guys since it has a lot to do with the reason I moved to LA and a lot to do with who I am today!Sid. .you can call me whatever you like. April 10, 2012, 10:34 am. Example: Couple agrees to the set-up evanscr05s friend did. But that doesnt change the fact that these people are eating each other alive. Steve Kellmeyer Fyrebyrd2 Interesting! Does that change the situation as all? Not because there was anything wrong with me or because I didnt deserve a father or because I wasnt lovable she was always sure to explain that it was his deficits that kept him from being a part of my life. A forty year old man should know that once is all it takes to handcuff himselfto someone for the next 19 years or so. There has to be a reason behind all this vitriol. skyblossom If the guy just walked away and contributed nothing, then that would be exactly akin to most adoptions, which, essentially, just mean letting someone else take care of your child. For all you know she could be 35 and realize that this may be her one chance to have a baby. I think it is unfair that the man cant have sex without the possibility of becoming a parent, but the woman can.. We're doing great but after a month, he confessed he got this girl pregnant. Im not sure why you think this woman is trying to trap your boyfriend unless there are other details you didnt provide. Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. But anyone who consents to sex and is then furious at their sex partner when a baby is the outcome is an idiot. Well he will still have to pay child support. Given the particularities and context of any particular situation, there is a lot of unfairness to go around. On the other hand, the intelligent men are just avoiding commitment and having fun at YOUR expense. haha. Id confirm that hes actually the father. Two are very small, less than six months. I wont go into the reasons they came to this, (very long, and quite personal, story), but its entirely possible that if a women gets pregnant and decides to keep the baby though the father would prefer she abort, he DOES have the option to waive his parental rights and duties to the child and thus not be legally responsible for child support. Im only speaking on speculation, of course, since I was not a part of the situation and only heard about from him. His ex had gone through a lot of internal as well as external strugglesand became stronger and wiser. Having placement, on the other hand, does, and what Im saying is that when it comes down to where are the kids going to stay, in situations where everything else is equal, the default position is still with the mother in most courts, with the fathers visitation dependent on how close to equal the two parents are. Thats what youre always nattering about. Youre wrong. People are calling him scum because hes a guy who doesnt want to become a father to that womans child. Healthy relationships don't come from a situation like this.. Apparently, the belief is that no one should ever have sex unless they intend to have a child with the person and are sure that it is a good idea.