It’s making sure that we’re taking responsibility for our emotional needs and wellbeing — and then, investing in theirs. Because other people are outside of our control, and dumping a huge chunk of our emotional wellbeing into external things — like another human being’s decisions and behavior — is reckless at best. These are the people with a “scarcity” mindset regarding themselves and their lives, looking for external things — and people — to fill the void. Those who continue to create more love in their lives also create more opportunity, money, and fun. But there were definitely more reasons that that. Enter your details to receive tips and updates. What if the purpose of your relationship was something unconditional and something that you could take responsibility for? Their questions have rarely been about what kind of person I am seeing and want to have in my life, but about when I am going to get married. “The purpose of a relationship is to live within and maintain the social structures, i.e., get married and have kids.”, People with this purpose in mind are the ones who get very anxious about “defining” the relationship so that they know “what this is” and “where we’re going.”, “The purpose of a relationship is to find your better half; the person that ‘completes’ you; your ‘everything.’”. Taking A Break From Writing Can Make You A Better Writer, How to get over someone you were never actually with, If you want to fix your relationship this is what you should be focusing on, How To Actually Show Love To A “Quality Time” Person, 15 Black Women Authors I’ve Read and Recommend, Dating a good guy after a toxic relationship, We All Want To See Everyone Else’s Real Quarantine Moments. I don’t think I could be who I am today nor I could be aware of what I am writing in my blog now without the experiences and lessons I learnt from my past relationships. Setting a marriage as the end goal of a relationship and focusing on achieving it have greatly created anxiety about the unpredictable future of a relationship and fear of a failure. True Purpose of Relationships is to give us the opportunity to have insight into the workings of the ego and attachements. Obviously, a relationship is one of the important areas where I want to achieve a success in my life. I’m not sure. When a romantic relationship comes to an end, it means that we won’t share the world to the same intensity as before. Although I haven’t fully admitted it until now by being too preoccupied with the marriage stuff, having a relationship has always been like travelling the new world to me. Such as: Both of these are within a framework of personal accountability for our own emotional needs — never dumping them on others, or trying to pull them from them. But how come I just tried to recklessly jump into it? How To Overcome Oneitis & Deal With Your Crush, > How To Manage Dates Without Going Broke, > How To Approach Men You Are Attracted To, ← Tim’s 2017 Social Approach Challenge Video Series. Rather than the other way around. “The purpose of a relationship is to be happy” or “grow as an individual” or “to get my needs met.”. It takes time to give and get time, so be patient. I just wanted to settle as if it is the ultimate goal of a relationship to achieve and it would magically bring happiness to my life, saving all the problems I have had in the past relationships. If a relationship doesn’t turn into a marriage, is it a failure? It’s taking agency for our happiness — and then, theirs. You either succeed in getting married or not. How on earth do I know when I would get married when I am not even in a relationship or unsure if I think who I am seeing can be my life partner? If I think about it now, it was quite a reckless and illusionary thought. “I just don’t want to be lonely” or “I’m terrified of dying alone.”. I wish he was the right one for me to spend the rest of my life with so that I avoid all the hassles and heart-breaking experience of a relationship. They emphasize our own ownership and responsibility in both good times and bad times. What if the purpose of your relationship or marriage was something more like: Personal development; Enjoying the adventure of life together; Spiritual growth; Practicing unwavering commitment to another person “The purpose of a relationship is to live within and maintain the social structures, i.e., get married and have kids.” Enjoying the big adventure called life together. I wanted to finally settle and have no more break-up. Being Patience. Is this enough of a purpose? Indeed, it is that illusion of owning somebody which creates sufferings in a relationship most of the time. I still hope to find a life partner not to get married, but to share as much love, fun/joy and growth together as possible. A marriage gives some sense of stability and security in a relationship, but it doesn’t mean that it would magically work out itself without any efforts. But practicing love of self and others certainly makes life a little richer, and that’s probably reason enough to give it an earnest go. When my unfulfilled wish of settling in a relationship only left me a bitterness over a break-up after another break-up, I started to wonder what the purpose of having a relationship is. In reality, I’ve actually gained something every time, the world I’ve created together with somebody. But not only does the world created together remain within us, but we could still share some parts of our life and love each other like we do with any other friends in our life. I often get an impression from others that it’s time for me to stop having a “casual relationship”, but to get married. It is meditation in motion. Or do they just get married with somebody they happen to go out with around this time? Obviously, it was in part because (I thought) I loved him and wanted to be with him. We wish this shared world just disappeared with our pains and all the residual memories after a break-up, but it does remain as part of our life, in the face of the end of a relationship. If I look back at all my past relationships, nobody was never or would be mine, regardless of whether a relationship continues or not. How about the actual person I was once in love with? From some point of my life, whenever I mention I am seeing somebody, the most often question I get asked is if we have a plan for the future, which usually means a marriage. If I only focus on the “end results” of a relationship as a marriage, yes, all the emotional work of a relationship is a hassle, particularly when the results are not achieved. Yes, the imaginary expectations I have about our future together. How about a sense of loss which I believe is at the core of all the sufferings and pains caused by a break-up? You either succeed in getting married or not. But more importantly, I realized all the painful meanings attached to the end of a relationship are mainly due to my obsession with the results of a relationship.

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